Thought it would be cool to have a collection of Yiddishe one liners to have a laugh on. Please keep one to each answer allowing the good ones to get voted up. Enjoy
what are the best jewish one-liners you have heard? [closed]
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8 answers!
×ַלץ וו×ָס ××™×– פֿרייַ × ×™×™×“ × ×¢×ž×˜ צוויי
1 brilliant, reminds me of the reason why do a bris. Jews like everything 20 percent off - Yehuda HaMaccabiAug 04 '12 at 22:21
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MENTCH TRACHT UN GUT LACHT
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I think it was Reb Aryeh Leib Malin who got married at 44 and said that had he known how enjoyable it was he would have gotten married at 42!
Sarah walks into a post office to send a package. The postmaster says "this package is too heavy-you'll need another stamp."
Sarah replies "And that will make it lighter?"
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After offering the Torah to all the nations Hashem went to (Lakewood - add your favorite Kollel/city here)and asked "will you accept?" What is written inside? they asked - " ששת ×™×ž×™× ×ª×¢×‘×•×“ " came the response. "sorry we are not interested"
I once overheard one of my friends come in for Kol Nidrei to shul and say
S***, forgot my Machzor!
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Yankel - "Berel, have I got a Metziah for you - the Circus just left town and left an elephant behind I will sell it to you for $50".
Berel - what am I gonna do with an elephant
Yankel - if there is traffic it could get you across town in minutes, something high out of reach no problems and all you gotta do is feed it some peanuts
Berel - Where would I keep it? who's going to clean up after ir? Sorry doesn't seem like such a Metziah
Yankel - I'll give you 2 elephants for $50
Berel - NOW YOU'RE TALKING!!
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Two Chassidim sit near me sometimes in the Beis HaMedrash and isntead of learning they shmooze for about 2 hours a day. Once in the middle I heard one of them say,
Aaah, Toirah is der bester Schoirah!!!!
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