tora life is full of nissyonos [closed]

hello; first of all, sorry if I do somes misstake by writing in english, because english in no my first language.. my question is the following: I born in a froom family, but I went a little bit off the derech. I come back again to tora, but I feeling that's so boring, so hard to live a tora life! I know that tora is the true, so I want to saty religeous, but can you give me somes advices in order to appreciate more to live a frum life? I feeling thats so boring.. and they are so much suffering and nisssyonot.. what can you advice me? thank you very much.

hi! thank you to answer to my question.. you right, no jews also suffering.. but I left because I hate my life! I know thats tora is true, I know that the real hapiness is in tora, but before I was a very happy and frum girl, and my mother was sick, after my parents divorce, my mother was in depression.. now I have difficulty in shiduhims, no job.. I feeling very alone, I must play that every thing go right.. but I so disapointed! during a year I was no so frum, and I really enjoy it, but I was not happy.. but I know that tora is emeth, so I come back, now I am frum but modern.. I hate my life now.. life of tora is so full of tests! of difficulty!! I was very optimistic before, but now I can't anymore to force myself to focus of the good.. What Hashem wants from me?? thats already seven years that I had special hard difficulty.. what do you think?

hi Yehuda Hamakabi, thank u for you answer! I think you so so right!! you just open me my eyes! I will try what u suggest.. thank so much, happy chanuka. Mali

hi! thank you to answer to my question.. you right, no jews also suffering.. but I left because I hate my life! I know thats tora is true, I know that the real hapiness is in tora,

I think you are making a big mistake here. You say the real happiness is in Torah. I beg to argue. True happiness comes from feeling worthy in life and having self esteem. Children of broken families are very often not happy whether or not they are Jewish or not. There are many happy Non-Jews out there, they are the ones who have self control and live by morals.

What Hashem wants from me?

Why are you focusing on what Hashem wants from you? You should be focusing on what you want from yourself. It sounds like you believe that you are a bad person. To me it sounds like you are a wonderful person who just doesnt know the right way forward.

If you want my suggestion, you need to find yourself a therapist who will be able to help you understand yourself. Perhaps help you to realise that a lot of what you think about yourself isnt true, and is the effect of living in a depressed, divorcing household. Where country or town are you in?

I dont think your focus should be on Yiddishkeit here, I would star focusing on the REAL YOU and the Yiddishkeit will happen automatically.

Loads of Hatzlocho

Its interesting that you find that there is so much suffering in the Torah world. I wonder to what you are referring to. Do non jews suffer less? Does illness and poverty not strike them too?

You say you were once Frum.

Can you state the reasons you left?

Perhaps because of poverty? Attractions to the internet?

Having more information about your situation will help people to offer you advice as to why we dont find that Yiddishkeit makes you suffer.