Mamzeir (Bastard) and Shidduchim

I have just found out that I am R"L a mamzeir (Bastard). What should I do? I was about to propose to my future Eishes Chayil. Should I tell her?

Hi David,

If you're really a "mamzer", then I extend my fullest condolences for your unfortunate situation.

If your intended "Eishes Chayil" is likewise a "mamzeres", or a convert ("giyores") then you WILL be allowed to marry each other.

If she isn't any of the above, then under Torah law you are forbidden to marry her. Given the circumstances, it would be pointless to continue dating her, and she obviously must be informed.

However the good news is that many times people erroneously think that they carry the blemish of "mamzeirus", when actually they are not a “mamzer”. I refer you to the following website, which might be helpful:

http://www.dinonline.org/halachic-questions-of-geneaology/

They write the following: "The issue of halachic disqualifications related to genealogy, and in particular mamzerus, is the cause of much anguish among those affected and their families. Many parameters are involved that can make a difference, and it is essential that such questions are given the fullest attention by those expert in the subject. Our professional staff will give the question precisely that, ensuring that no stone goes unturned in finding a halachic solution to the problem, of course provided such a solution exists. The procedure often demands close cooperation with the parties involved. Absolute discretion is guaranteed".

Alternatively, you can contact me privately and discretely: webberebbe (at) gmail (dot) com. Note: I am NOT affiliated with the above website.