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How to tell my child to stop smoking without hurting or putting down my smoking husband?

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Well, the title says it all. My husband is a great guy, very caring and sensitive. He also smokes. Now this has never gotten in the way of our relationship because I have been brought up from home with smoking as the norm!

However after the last few years I have come to appreciate how bad it really is for the lungs, and have tried to persuade my husband to stop. He tells me that when I stop eating chocolate he will stop smoking. Basically, he hasnt got the strength to stop. A few weeks ago I caught my 14 year old boy smoking. Needless to say, I was devastated. I decided not to tell him anything because I did not want to start a complicated conversation right then.

But what can I tell him to get him to stop seeing as his father does it. Also how can I do it in a way that won't hurt my husband?


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Old Wine 175

asked 12 years ago


2   Chocolate kills more people then smoking does! - gadol hadorJul 02  '12 at 23:04
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    @gadol hador: and both together is an instant killer. - Yehuda HaMaccabiJul 02  '12 at 23:16
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    @gadol hador: a gadol hador does neither - shteeblehopperJul 03  '12 at 23:10
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    why wasnt this problem anticipated ages ago? - disgruntledGoatJul 04  '12 at 18:02
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    @Old Wine are you a man or a woman - busy gabbaiJul 09  '12 at 20:15
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3 answers!

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The best way to approach a delicate situation like this, is to explain to your son that your husband started smoking in the days when the dangers were relatively unknown, and that there were plenty of gedolim that used to smoke in that generation. However once addicted it is extremely hard to stop, and therfore your husband has so far been unable to do so! Explain to him how easy it is to get addicted (hopefully he isn't already) and the extreme expense of it, besides for all the health risks. Hopefully with enough guidance and cooperation from your husband he will agree to never try it again!


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Eitza Geber 371

answered 12 years ago


1   My son has since quoted to me that one cant Shteig without a cigarette like the gedolim did. I should show him your answer. Didnt think about the money, thanks a lot - Old WineJul 04  '12 at 18:09
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1   although i think my advice is not as bad as some people like to think, this is also a valid point. Trouble is sometimes teenages dont think like this - shteeblehopperJul 04  '12 at 18:11
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1   R' Shach once said he could never learn a R' Chaim without a cigarette. Once he stopped he said he would't be able to learn with one! - Eitza GeberJul 04  '12 at 18:14
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    +1 for the cooperation from your husband! - gadol hadorJul 04  '12 at 18:07
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    The claim that one cant shteig is garbage! what Yeshiva nowdays lets you learn in the Beis hamedrash with a cigy? only the type where you wouldn't be shteiging anyway! So dont use that as an excuse for your addiction. - Eitza GeberJul 04  '12 at 18:15
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Even if smoking is not healthy, it is clear that it isn't terrible and the chances of something bad happening are slim. However, sholom bayis is something essential to the house. I would focus on telling him not to smoke because he is under age whereas his dad is over age.


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disgruntledGoat 515

answered 12 years ago


2   It is most definately terrible. Just because not everyone dies young, what about the heart disease and all the othe illnesses that so many people come down with. Go back to the farm you disgruntled goat! - Eitza GeberJul 04  '12 at 18:08
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1   Of course its terrible, yes not every one dies, but plenty have immense suffering for plenty of years until they actually do die, even if they die at 120. - Eitza GeberJul 04  '12 at 18:11
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    @eitzah geber it might be bad but it is also very rare - shteeblehopperJul 04  '12 at 18:12
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1   @shteeble hopper it is not so rare to become ill from it. You should never have the need to know more about it. NAIVE! - gadol hadorJul 04  '12 at 18:14
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I think what you should do is get your husband to admit in front of your son that it is wrong and he is trying to stop, but it is extremely difficult. He should stop smoking in front of him as well! Hopefully your son will see that if his father is trying to stop he will appreciate that is bad!


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shteeblehopper 220

answered 12 years ago


2   Sorry, but that's garbage! - Old WineJul 03  '12 at 23:12
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1   thats terrible chinuch - disgruntledGoatJul 04  '12 at 18:01
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    why the downvote? I think cooperation is very important here. - shteeblehopperJul 04  '12 at 18:10
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